Sunday, March 25, 2012

Move/make: Getting started

First, the number:

My roommate's scale says I am 184.8 pounds.

When I weighed myself this afternoon, that number startled me. I gave up meat and diet soda, and have been running off-and-on since before the new year. Why isn't it lower? Is the scale broken?

I truly believe that your appearance and weight doesn't define you -- and yet, given that number, it's easier said than done. But I want to be honest. What's the point of lying to myself? I'm almost 185 pounds, yes, and at 5'7", that number is probably higher than it should be. But I'm still the same person as I was 10 or 20 pounds ago. I survived my comprehensive exams -- the hardest thing I've had to do in my academic career. I have a great roommate, amazing friends, and a wonderful family. I'm otherwise physically healthy, and I'm proud of how strong my legs are after running for the last few months.

I have to remember: It's just a number.

So, why bother? I want a baseline. I'm training for a 5K this April, and hope to continue running longer races throughout the summer. I know that I can't put too much stock in what the scale reads. I'll be building a lot of muscle, so I'll have to go primarily on how I feel and how my clothes fit. But at least I know where I'm starting from.

And now you do, too. Which might be the most difficult thing -- putting that number out there. But maybe the less I hide it from myself and others, the less shameful it will be.

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