Think/act: Changes

Last weekend, I was walking back from dinner with a friend, and she asked, "How are you doing out here by yourself?"

Answering her question made me realize just how much my life has changed in the last year. I suppose I've realized things here and there, but adding everything up and seeing it in front of me was surprising.

Last summer, I broke up with someone I had been with for nearly five years. At first, I was devastated and angry. Things didn't end on the best of terms. They were messy. He had moved to another state. And after several exhausting months of still talking and thinking about working things out, we officially parted ways. I didn't cry. I unfriended him on Facebook. I ran twice as far as I ever had before.

I originally started running when my then-boyfriend first moved out of state. I had been meaning to get in shape. My desk job had taken its toll. Running kept me from being as lonely and sad as I first was. But after we stopped speaking to each other all together, I realized that those months of in-between had been holding me back, physically and mentally.

After we broke up, I also quit a job that I had been unhappy with for a long time. I switched careers. I starting teaching and tutoring for the first-year writing program at my university. I wouldn't trade my job for anything.

After we broke up, I also realized I needed a roommate. I ended up living with a fellow English major. He was originally a friend of a friend, but he's become one of my favorite people here. Now, I wouldn't trade that for anything, either.

I've gone on dates, reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and met some amazing people, including many of my students. I gave up meat and fast food. I started biking to work. I've learned so much about teaching, tutoring and feminism. I can honestly say I am happy. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety for more than a decade, this is the most content and settled I've felt in a very long time. I've worked hard to become healthier, more conscientious, and more appreciative of the things in life that are good. It's an ongoing process, but I am much happier to be the person I am now. I feel more like myself.

Being by myself has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I know what I'm capable of. I know how strong I can be. I don't want to give credit to a person I no longer respect or care for. Instead, I think I'll take the credit. The breakup might have been the catalyst for much of this change, but I was the one who did all the hard work. I usually hate to brag, but I feel pretty damn proud of myself right now.